small traces // BIG SPACES

A look down our street

Last night Dan and I were lounging on the futon in our tiny little 1 bedroom Brooklyn apartment watching "glee." It was the first time since May that it was starting to feel like we could call a place "home" again. As I pushed play on the next episode and sat back down, Dan suddenly shot up and pushed me out of the way.

"Baby! Stay over there!" he says with WAY too much anxiety in his tone.

"WHAT IS IT?!" I scream.

"Don't look! Just stay over there!" he answers.

So I look, of course, and see the biggest MAMMOTH cockroach I have ever seen in real life! And I'm from Oklahoma, where they don't come small!! This thing was at least 3 inches long and 1 1/2 inches wide! Eeeeeeek!

I broke down into tears. Why did we choose this old building to live in? Everything here is so old and gross and difficult... Why are we here?

This episode runs regularly around our place these days, although this was the largest roach yet by far. Dan has gone above and beyond the call of husbandly duty- he's sprayed at least 5 times with all sorts of concoctions, he's plugged up cracks and holes, and he kills anything he sees and tries to do it discreetly enough so that I don't notice. 

This breaking point didn't come due to bugs alone of course. Dan and I began our move to New York City in mid-May. Throughout our transition we've spent several weeks in New Hampshire with Dan's sweet family, several weeks in Europe with my awesome brother, sister-in-law, and dear friends, Carole and Olivier, 6 grueling weeks in Queens while I trained with Teach For America,  and finally, the last week and a half at our final destination here in Brooklyn. Moving is difficult, and since I've never moved further than 45 miles from home it's all new to me. Mom and Dad came for a visit last weekend, and we had an incredible time, but seeing them go made me realize that our new home really is so far from everything I've known before. New job, new place, different people, and a completely different rhythm of life...

Dan and I on the Brooklyn Bridge

BUT- when I take time to truly think about where we are and what we are doing, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I am writing this blog because I want to remember this phase of our life which, at the moment, feels like a giant, scary leap of faith. I want to be able to look back fondly on these days of GINORMOUS cockroaches and new encounters that have helped shape our future. I couldn't ask for a more perfect partner in this adventure, the person who challenges me to learn from every situation we encounter and who helps me laugh when I just feel like crying. Although I often wish for an easier path, I do feel truly blessed to have an opportunity to do my part in serving the kids in Red Hook, Brooklyn this year. We're living in one of the biggest cities in the world, and although sometimes it feels as if nothing is going right, I hold on to the hope that we'll leave some small trace in the world around us while we're here, and I KNOW it will leave a trace in us.

Looking out from the Empire State Building