"Chasing Pavements"

I build myself up and fly around in circles
Wait then as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle
Finally, could this be it?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere?

Dan and I don't have cable in our apartment, or any channels in English for that matter, so the only show we watch somewhat consistently is "Glee." It's definitely my show of choice when I have a little down time. Luckily, Dan tolerates the corny drama, choreography, and show tunes. Actually, I think he might kind of like it too. :)

This weekend, we were catching up on "Glee," and the last song we heard was a rendition of Adele's "Chasing Pavement." I'm not usually a crier when it comes to movies or shows, but this one got me! The thing that I love about "Glee" is that it tackles real world issues without over-simplifying them, and it uses that one language that speaks to a person like nothing else can- music! So at the risk of being overly-dramatic, here's why this episode moved me. 

I've heard the song "Chasing Pavements" before, but I had never listened to it in the way that this episode translated it, and I felt like I completely identified with the lyrics. There have been so many beautiful moments these past few months, for the most part outweighing the lousy ones, and I am so blessed to be at a wonderful school, in a wonderful program, and to be supported by an incredibly patient, loving husband. All in all though, this experience so far has absolutely stretched me to my max, and to what somedays seems like beyond. I love each one of my adorable Kindergarten students so much, but trying to effectively teach and nurture all 28 to the degree that they each need seems impossible most days.  I am incessantly wondering if I am really cut out for this. 60-ish hour weeks, plus work on weekends, and all the while feeling uncertain of whether I am doing any service at all to these kids and their families. Especially in a city where you are just another face in the crowd it begins to feel like you are constantly "chasing pavement" that never ends and never amounts to what you thought it might.


Just this week I have begun to feel a tiny bit more on top of lesson plans and grad school. My hope is that as I get a handle on these aspects of my life, my relationships with my scholars and their families will also deepen because at the moment it feels like I'm just barely keeping my head above water. Hm... For some reason it feels like I have done this whole first year of teaching thing before... So why isn't it any easier the second time around?!

Communications

Dan’s first album is now available on iTunes!

A large part of our living room (which is probably a total of 200 square-feet, and was less back in Oklahoma) has been devoted to Dan’s music studio over the past year. I have been an incredibly tolerant wife, if I do say so myself. :) Honestly though, I love watching him go through the creative process from beginning to end. Since last December, he has been brainstorming, writing, recording, mastering, and re-mastering. The sounds range from pop to electronica, and include two of our good friends from OKC who were kind enough to record vocals.

His intentions aren’t to make big bucks or to be “discovered,” but simply to share his music! He’s planning to look into some open mic nights around Brooklyn as well. I am thrilled that he has had this opportunity to take time to pursue his incredible talent in the way he feels drawn!

His tracks include:

• An Emotional Goodbye
• At This Place, On This Corner…
• Can You See Beauty?
• Feel the Riddim
• Listen
• Niyah
• Offense, Defense
• One Brigher Light
• Teddy the Ghost
• Thursday Night

Check it out if you’re interested!

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Yesterday, Dan and I spent the afternoon at Prospect Park, one of the largest parks in NYC, perhaps second only to Central Park, and just 4 blocks away in our very own neighborhood! We started the day by visiting our local farmer's market. We chose some locally-sourced andouille sausage, a half pound of creamy, "Oktobarska" cheese, a carton of grapes, and a baguette, and we headed to the park.

                   

We enjoyed our lunch underneath a gray sky amongst families, couples, and friends enjoying a beautiful Sunday. Off to our right was a large family doting over the only child in the group. They broke out in song, singing "Happy Birthday" with beautiful European accents. Later, we observed a father teaching his maybe-6-year-old son the finer points of soccer. "Charge the ball!" "You have to be agressive!" And finally, "Are you tired of practicing already?" :) Later came a couple in their 20's playing a game I remember playing in school. They took turns slapping each others hands, while the other tried to move out of the way in time- it was amusing to watch. We saw countless family gatherings, many of which were Latino families kicking around soccer balls and grilling corn. We noticed many were listening to traditional mariachi-style music. Dan and I discussed how much we enjoyed this sound. So often, music affects our mood and can transport us to a place that feels like home. It would be hard not to enjoy yourself with mariachi acting as the soundtrack to your day!

It was refreshing to see people relaxing and enjoying their loved ones, especially in this grinding culture of 12-hour work days and no time for a smile. It was beautiful to see so many families and friends enjoying their time together and making fun for themselves, whether by grilling, listening to music, playing volleyball, throwing a frisbee... or slapping each others' hands. ;)

A Different Point of View

"We need diversity of thought in the world to face new challenges."

- Tim Berners Lee  

Saturday night Dan and I went out for dinner, in celebration of my first complete week of school (no kids yet, though), my first day of grad school, and his being half-way done in the re-mastering process of his music. We live in a neighborhood within Brooklyn called "Park Slope." Right outside our door is practically any type of food you could possibly think of. So we walked along the bustling row of restaurants on 5th Avenue and decided on a Peruvian place, partly because it had opened its front wall of windows out onto the street, which allowed us to eat while enjoying the beautiful night.

As a man came to serve us water, Dan, in his usual friendly manner, asked, "Are you Peruvian?" I cringed in fear that he may not be and that our cultural ignorance might offend him. But he smiled and said, "No, I look like I could be, but I'm from the Middle East. Turkey." We rarely meet someone who is from New York. It's comforting to know we're just a couple of misfits in a sea of misfits. He chatted with us throughout the night, and told us a little of his story.

Another friendly face has been one of the ladies in our apartment building, Anita. She is one of the first people we met here, and we often see her taking out the building's trash, sweeping the halls, or standing outside. She is always chatty and sometimes speaks so fast and with such an accent that I can't tell whether she's actually speaking to us in English or Spanish! She's from the Dominican Republic, but has been living and raising her family in this very building for 25 years. It's amazing to here stories of people like Anita, who have somehow made ends meet here for so long.

Dan just told me another interesting story about the man who works the counter at the corner deli. He is from the Middle East, and his family remains there while he works. He spends 1 year here working, and goes back home to his family for 1 year, and then repeats the cycle. I can't imagine spending an entire year away from your family in order to provide for them.

It's incredible to meet people everyday from so many different backgrounds. That is one of the very reasons Dan and I moved to New York. What better way to learn, grow, and be immersed in so many different cultures than to live amongst such diversity! Sometimes, yes, it makes for frustrating, confusing conversations at the convenience store or a miscommunication at the hair salon, but all in all it is such a fantastic experience! It reminds me of my conviction to not be concerned with being "American" so much as being a Child of God. As we are facing new challenges in our life, it is humbling and exhilarating to discover peoples' diverse stories, their unique challenges, and how they manage to "keep on keepin' on."

small traces // BIG SPACES

A look down our street

Last night Dan and I were lounging on the futon in our tiny little 1 bedroom Brooklyn apartment watching "glee." It was the first time since May that it was starting to feel like we could call a place "home" again. As I pushed play on the next episode and sat back down, Dan suddenly shot up and pushed me out of the way.

"Baby! Stay over there!" he says with WAY too much anxiety in his tone.

"WHAT IS IT?!" I scream.

"Don't look! Just stay over there!" he answers.

So I look, of course, and see the biggest MAMMOTH cockroach I have ever seen in real life! And I'm from Oklahoma, where they don't come small!! This thing was at least 3 inches long and 1 1/2 inches wide! Eeeeeeek!

I broke down into tears. Why did we choose this old building to live in? Everything here is so old and gross and difficult... Why are we here?

This episode runs regularly around our place these days, although this was the largest roach yet by far. Dan has gone above and beyond the call of husbandly duty- he's sprayed at least 5 times with all sorts of concoctions, he's plugged up cracks and holes, and he kills anything he sees and tries to do it discreetly enough so that I don't notice. 

This breaking point didn't come due to bugs alone of course. Dan and I began our move to New York City in mid-May. Throughout our transition we've spent several weeks in New Hampshire with Dan's sweet family, several weeks in Europe with my awesome brother, sister-in-law, and dear friends, Carole and Olivier, 6 grueling weeks in Queens while I trained with Teach For America,  and finally, the last week and a half at our final destination here in Brooklyn. Moving is difficult, and since I've never moved further than 45 miles from home it's all new to me. Mom and Dad came for a visit last weekend, and we had an incredible time, but seeing them go made me realize that our new home really is so far from everything I've known before. New job, new place, different people, and a completely different rhythm of life...

Dan and I on the Brooklyn Bridge

BUT- when I take time to truly think about where we are and what we are doing, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I am writing this blog because I want to remember this phase of our life which, at the moment, feels like a giant, scary leap of faith. I want to be able to look back fondly on these days of GINORMOUS cockroaches and new encounters that have helped shape our future. I couldn't ask for a more perfect partner in this adventure, the person who challenges me to learn from every situation we encounter and who helps me laugh when I just feel like crying. Although I often wish for an easier path, I do feel truly blessed to have an opportunity to do my part in serving the kids in Red Hook, Brooklyn this year. We're living in one of the biggest cities in the world, and although sometimes it feels as if nothing is going right, I hold on to the hope that we'll leave some small trace in the world around us while we're here, and I KNOW it will leave a trace in us.

Looking out from the Empire State Building